My husband was still at work and the kids were hungry. The day had gotten away from me, again.
As I stirred a well thought-out dinner of macaroni and cheese, I felt my patience wane and my temper rise.
The boys were both crying and screaming, trying with all their might to be heard above the other, as Savannah marched through the kitchen, systematically chanting, "starving, starving, starving, starving, starving". Alayna ignored it all as she calmly scattered baby wipes all over the living room floor.
That's when it came without warning, restraint, or sense of dignity.
I laughed at the absurdity of the moment. One of those scary, lose-your-mind, kind of laughs.
If anyone had been there I'm sure they would have slowly backed away, searching for the nearest exit, cell phones poised to call 911 if needed.
I laughed.
I laughed at the dirty dishes as they stared up at me, trying to make me feel insignificant. I laughed at the macaroni and cheese I was stirring, and the re-heated vegetables that would cover the "healthy" part of dinner. I laughed at the new but broken piece of home decor sitting on the counter. I laughed at myself and all my early notions about how easy being a mother would be. I laughed at the stale idea that I would have energy and patience at all times. I laughed at the books that had been unloaded from the shelf for the eightieth time that week. I laughed at the smelly laundry I was attempting to get a handle on as one kid or more had wet the bed every day for a week.
In the words of Marjorie Pay Hinckley, "How did a nice girl like me end up in a mess like this?"
One day I will discover whose idea it was to send these kids down to me with only settings of louder and loudest. And when I discover them, they're going down -- a couple of worlds down.
I've decided on the days when you just can't win, hang it all and laugh. Even if its a scary-psycho laugh. It's better then implosion.
I think.
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Serene is a mom of four kids in four and a half years who loves chocolate, art, and high heels. She blogs over at Serene is my name, not my life! She is also a freelance artist. View her work HERE.
*Image from Google images
