Mothers don't have to be everything to everyone

I drove home from Loveland
Saturday,
I always leave there with a heavy heart.
I hate leaving Dean.
Dean is my special-needs son

whose needs exceed my ability,
so he lives in a host-home in Loveland, Colorado
two hours from us.
I physically ache when I pull out of his driveway.
I'm only whole when he's in my home.
I wonder often why this is part of the Plan
for our family?

As I continued to drive,
the highway melted into my thoughts
and all I could think of
was

Why can't I just be ENOUGH for all of my children?

As much as I want to be all, do all
for them,
I just can't.

This thought stayed with me
all day Saturday
when I had a moment to myself
there it stood,
that lone thought:
"As much as I want to be a Perfect Mother to my children,
how come I am not?"
The weight of that brought tears, frankly.

Sunday afternoon,
I awoke from a nap
and there was that thought
again,
"Why can't I be enough?"
A tender mercy
whispered from Heaven
soothed my heart:

"You were never meant to be
everything to everyone in your family.
If you were,
Why would they need Me?
It is in the void of their lives,
that noone else can fill,
that they turn to Me.
This is why you cannot be everything
to them, nor ever be enough
that they never want.
This is the Plan.
You are their Mother,
I am their God."

---

The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe has nothing on this Momza of Seven, mil to two, and recently crowned "Granma" to a Ninja-Baby who has stolen her heart with his toothless grin. Dawn is a Midwife Assistant/Doula, Home Stager, Writer, and Convert to the LDS faith--living the dream in the Colorado Rockies! She blogs at Momza's House.