One day was particularly hard for me. I decided to talk to my husband as we were getting ready for bed. I told him that I did not understand why others seemed to be so blessed with child after child and I was still waiting for one. I felt as though I was forgotten by my Heavenly Father, or, if not forgotten, I was being punished.My Husband, being the brilliant man that he is, said this to me: "Kelly, if you are mad at Him and don't understand, tell Him." In my mind I worried if this was in some way blasphemous, telling the Lord I was angry with Him. For some reason I felt that I was punishing Him by not telling Him my feelings.
My husband held my hand as we knelt in prayer. I cried for about ten minutes before I began to speak. When I finally spoke, my feelings came pouring out of my mouth like a dam breaking. I finished the most honest prayer of my life as my husband held me in his arms. I fell asleep that night with the greatest amount of peace I had ever felt.
It was in those next few days that I felt relief. I finally understood Heavenly Father's plan for me. He would not change my situation, but He would change me. It changed my testimony forever. I was finally able to let go of the blame and anger. I had never felt as close to my Heavenly Father as I did in those days after my prayer.
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Kelly is a stay at home wife, married to her husband, Will, for 6 years. They have struggled with infertility for 5 years and are now trying to adopt their first child. She spends much of her time online, blogging about infertility, adoption, and serving others at Giving What I Am, her online journal, and also doing graphic design to raise money for her adoption at Modern Blitz Designs. Prayer Photo: http://us.fotolia.com/id/6500629
