(photo by me)
I have never liked that phrase because for me, it has always carried with it the concept that you must be planted in a really crappy place to ever be told that.
And I'm here in that crappy place. Totally here.
I have wrestled with publishing this post. I have wondered if this is too vulnerable a subject to talk about. Too hush-hush. Too taboo.
But then I felt like I should. REALLY felt like I should....because I don't think I am the only one who is planted in a not-so-lovely place filled with sorrow and frustration. I'm not the only one, am I?
So here goes...
I don't love my ward at church. In fact, the moment I sat down for our first Sunday School class I had to choke back some tears in sadness that I was where I was.
Now, I should probably preface this with the fact that my previous ward was something out of a fairytale. We were there THREE months. Three measly months...and I have never felt such love, such inspiration, and such Spirit than I did in those ward boundaries.
And then I got a new job offer.
And it was a job that would lighten my load and take me out of the toxic job I was currently in. But we would have to move again and with that move I would be giving up my new-amazing-I-still-cry-just-thinking-about-how-much-I-miss-it ward.
I almost did not take the job...JUST because of that. Crazy? I'm just trying to emphasize how much we loved where we were. Did I emphasize it enough?
But our Heavenly father told us that we should move. And that it would be hard to go....but we would be going where we were supposed to be.
And so we went.. and although my job and situation is amazing...being in my ward is hard.
Have you heard the saying that "the Gospel is perfect but the people aren't?" I have always loved that, because we shouldn't go to church for the people. We should go because we are obedient and it is where we need to be taught and where we can renew our extremely important covenants weekly. Where we can individually go to be uplifted and reminded of our Savior's atonement and love. Where we can feel the peace of the Spirit.
Goodness knows I am grateful for that knowledge.
But on the other side of it all---I believe that feeling at "home" in your ward socially is also vital for your growth. Vital for your ability to learn and to teach one another and to bloom. And sometimes when that vital factor is missing, it's easy to question your place in it all. Sometimes it makes it easy to question a lot of things.
In comes that bloom where you are planted phrase again.
After that first week our new Bishop sat us down and said, "I know the ward that you came from, and I also know that this will be a very different experience and that I personally know how you feel. But there are two ways you can look at it: 1) You can sit back and relax and be unhappy or 2) you can serve because we need you and then slowly but surely you will be happy.
How exactly did he know to say that? (well, I can take a guess;)
And so now...slowly but surely I am working hard at the serving part and recognizing the fact that it is up to ME to make a difference in how I feel. I can't change where I have been planted, but I can change me. Slowly but surely...I believe I will bloom.
You can find Carrie at All That is Sweet in Life... where a little bit of salty is mixed in there, too.
