I am a 40 something year old mom with five kids. I have a husband and a cat and until this morning, I had not realized that I had given up and my hope was gone.
My oldest boy went on a mission two years ago. He and I had a pretty good connection and both were strong in the gospel. Just before he was to leave I found out that my husband had been having another affair. I told him I would not do anything about this until my son got home. Then, once that time had passed, I felt like there was nothing I could do but live with it.
My oldest daughter has had some struggles. She has tried a few drugs, had some bad friends and been very disrespectful and mean to myself, my husband and my other children.
My father passed away.
My second son has struggled with pornography.
My youngest son broke his leg and was in a wheel chair for three months this summer.
Our family lost our house and had to move.
My husband lost his second job of 15 years.
I was going through the motions of life, but not reading my scriptures like I should, not praying like I should and not going to church as much as I should.
I felt hopeless.
Going to church was a huge ordeal. No one wanted to go, especially my husband, and he would not really help get the kids ready. I was exhausted and felt that I could NOT do it alone anymore.
Things slowly drifted: Family Home evening was too much of a fight; Sunday mornings were too much of a fight; everything was a fight.
I had a missionary out and was receiving many blessings, but I still could not seem to pull myself out of my hopeless feelings.
My missionary got home last week.
My husband and I went and sat in the stake president's office and listened to his advice. The next night we reported to the high council and listened to my missionary son's testimony. Then my husband bore his testimony.
Hope?
Four days later, the whole family had a pretty bad flu bug. I was not able to attend my youngest son's birthday party nor was I was able to go to church on my missionary son's first Sunday home.
I felt hopeless.
Yet because of this nasty flu, my husband went to church instead of me, with my sons and daughter. He actually went to church without me pushing and pushing and pleading.
My husband and son gave me and two of my children a blessing to help with this flu virus.
Last night my daughter and other son had the virus and they gave them blessings as well.
My recently returned missionary took that time to testify of faith. He told them that they had received a priesthood blessing, but that did not mean that they just could sit around and wait for things to get better. They needed to continue to pray, read their scriptures and keep the commandments. I added that keeping the commandments also meant listening to the right music and watching the right kinds of shows on the TV. As he left the room, the rest of us just sat there for a minute. My husband did NOT turn on the TV to the show he had been watching just minutes before.
Hope?
As I got up this morning and starting cleaning up piles of blankets, socks, shoes and whatever else was left around the house, I noticed by the couch -- where my 18 year old daughter had slept-- a set of scriptures. She had read them sometime during the night. She had searched the scriptures!
There is hope.
I have felt for over two years that I could not do this. That one missionary in my family would probably be all that I was ever going to have and that having him serve was a fluke. His serving a mission was something that he did on his own and I had nothing to do with it. However now I have hope.
I have hope that my daughter will be okay and happy.
I have hope that my husband will turn his life around, and love me and his children in the way that we deserve to be loved.
I have hope that my three younger boys will serve missions.
I have hope that I will keep pushing and fighting for the right; fighting for family home evening; fighting for family prayer and fighting to get to church on Sunday with everyone.
The fight has come back into my life because I have hope.
*This Guest Poster has requested she remain Anonymous
**photo courtesy of Google
