She was a newborn. I knew it would be rough, but that night I was on the verge of something. I'm not sure what - tears, frustration, doubt?
How could I be a good mother to 9 when I felt like I was failing with 8 or 6 or even 1?
I love my children in a way that is hard to describe with words. I want them to be happy.
Over the years, I've prayed. Lots of praying.
I don't always receive answers about how to proceed with the challenges I'm worrying about, but I usually find peace that it will be okay. Peace.
"The Father and our Savior have made known to us that it is possible to achieve the impossible."-Jorge F. Zeballos, "Attempting the Impossible", Ensign, Nov. 2009
It was my answer - the peace I sought. I am attempting the impossible for me. Being a good mother is difficult. It's not something that comes naturally. Having 9 children is not something I ever planned and I often wonder at God's confidence in me.
I know I can't do everything and I'm far from perfect. But the Lord knows my concerns. He answers my prayers and gives me peace. He gives me encouragement and fills in the voids created by my inabilities.
"If you listen for the voice of the Father, He will lead you on a course that will allow you to experience the pure love of Christ. As we draw near to Heavenly Father, we become more holy. And as we become more holy, we will overcome disbelief and our souls will be filled with His blessed light. As we align our lives with this supernal light, it leads us out of darkness and toward greater light. This greater light leads to the unspeakable ministerings of the Holy Spirit, and the veil between heaven and earth can become thin."-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Love of God", Ensign, Nov 2009
When I doubt, my Heavenly Father gives me a glimpse of who I am becoming. I can accomplish anything with a loving Father in Heaven by my side.
