I should have been cleaning, or canning, or sleeping, or doing something productive, but I wasn't.
Instead, I spent my time cruising the web late that night after all the kids were in bed. Mostly jumping around blogs, and actually skimming through facebook, that sort of thing.
My time spent in the electronic world covered an amazingly wide variety of things.
People offering advise, people asking for advice. People chewing out large families, people supporting large families. People trying to build their blogs, others closing theirs down. Some were announcing huge life changes, others offering simple comical relief. There were stories of great loss, others of great triumph. Some people were crafting, others were cooking, and some still were simply trying to figure out who they are. There were political debates, and moral conflicts. There were funny stories. There were scary stories. There was simple family life. There was beautiful photography. People were having babies or getting a book published. My brother had just announced his church mission call, I even discovered that a girl I grew up with is now a famous singer.
It was quite a mixed salad to ingest all in one evening.
And it made me feel small. Strangely insignificant. It was a weird moment.
So many grand people doing so many grand things. So many regular people doing so many regular things. And I sat back in my chair and looked around the messy family room.
It occurred to me in that moment that for once, I truly understood why so many moms feel like they are doing nothing worth while with their lives. I mean, we hear about this all the time, and I think most women understand that feeling, especially the comparing. But for the first time, I feel like I finally just... got it.
We are bombarded, on a simple piece of electronic equipment with such an intense amount of information and ideas. We see the best of the best, always. There is just SO MUCH. Always so much.
And especially for women. We want to be able to sew like her, or cook like them, or be stylish or organized or frugal or musical or pretty or clever or or or or or.... or worse, feel like we have to live up to someone else's expectations.
People talk about their strengths, or something they love to do or be. And even though we know that, we still think we need to take all those strengths and be all those things at once.
Strange, isn't it?
I don't run marathons, I don't sew. I'm not stylish. I don't sing. I will never be a famous blogger. I don't know squat about photography. I don't... I'm not...
Don't get me wrong, there are a zillion things I want to learn and know how to do. I will always want to keep developing new skills and talents. And honestly I think it's great that so many want to improve themselves and discover new things, to expand intellect and understanding or to even feel like they are making a difference in the world.
But for now, I am simply a mother. And my children need me.
I don't mean "simply" in a simple way either. Parents shape the future. They mold a human existance. They are important to someone important.
And I think that's pretty incredible.
So for now, in my little sphere of dirty laundry, homework, and hot dog dinners, it is enough.
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