Because I'm not THROUGH anything. I'm in the midst of it, and it sucks, and it's horrible, and people keep telling me how strong I must be, and what an amazing person I must be.... Gag.
You want to know why sick people don't go to church? It's because the healthy people tell them that they must be "so spiritual and strong" to be able to deal with something like that..... Yeah, that must be it.
A spiritual giant I am not, but realistic is something I am very capable of.
I have health problems.
Let me rephrase that, I have A LOT of health problems.... chronic ones. And they're INVISIBLE.
On the outside, I look like your typical soccer mom.
On the inside, well... that's a whole 'nother story.
I have Hashimoto's disease. I also have Raynaud's. And I have Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, or UCTD for short.
Oh! And I have Multiple Sclerosis... can't forget about that one, especially with summer being here and all that.
Ooh, my body ALSO likes to grow tumors in random places, and I am currently being monitored for one on my thyroid. (I secretly hope it grows really big so that they will just for the love of all that is holy take the blasted thing out already.)
But all that aside, I LOOK great.
I just feel like trash. I don't tell people that I cut my hair again because it's falling out, I just say it was hot on my neck... no big deal.
You see, I don't want to be the ward charity case. I've had that privilege before.... it SUCKS.
Because once you've been painted into that role, it's a deep hole to dig back out of. People stop taking you at your word, and other people flat out avoid you, because THEY don't have time to help YOU AGAIN.
What honestly gets me through the day, is the knowledge that this life will end.
I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel, because I know that this trial (life?) is only a temporary condition... because of that knowledge, I can look at my life and ask myself, what am I supposed to learn from this?
I honestly consider my less than great health a blessing, because it has given me such a strong testimony of the word of wisdom, and it makes me try harder to live righteously, because I want to know what it's like to live again in a body that isn't in pain.
You wouldn't know it to look at me, but I lead a very healthy lifestyle. I stretch and exercise daily. I get adequate rest, and I'm vegetarian. I have decided that my health problems were specifically designed for me, so that I would learn to master MY flesh.
My temptations don't stem from poor self worth. I don't have problems with substance abuse. I don't have relationship issues, either.
I LIKE MY LIFE.
In spite of everything that has happened, I feel blessed.
BECAUSE of my knowledge of the gospel, I am at peace... and not only am I at peace, I am happy.
Yes, my life revolves around medications and injections and it's a daily battle to get out of bed and down the stairs.... but it's a fight that I'm prepared for, and it's a fight that I know I will win.
I am re-learning that my body is a temple, and as I follow the doctrines of Christ, and the advice of my doctors, I see small improvements, and I am grateful for them.
So how do I get through this? With laughter, and love, and whole lot of faith.
Besides, it could always be worse....
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About the Author: Caroline Bingham is managing editor of MormonMommyBlogs.com. She also makes all the cute printables here on MMB, as well as on her other blog, Peonies & Poppyseeds. You can follow her on Twitter, @poppyseedblog, or on her blog, TheBinghamDiaries.com. Caroline and her husband live in Virginia with their four children.
