Editors Note: This post was submitted by a woman who has a husband with a pornography addiction, and as such has chosen to remain anonymous. Since our last "What Got Me Through" post went up last week we have had numerous people write
in about their spouses trials with pornography and what is helping them
"get through".
If you or someone you love it struggling with this particular issue, you can connect with many other LDS women who are facing this trial in an online forum for LDS women who are married to or dating men with pornography problems. Hope and Healing and more specifically their online forum will help you come to understand that you are not alone!
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I read an incredible book called The Peacegiver which totally changed my perspective on this trial. Maybe it's old news to a lot of you - but to me it was profoundly comforting.
He tells the story of David and Abigail from the New Testament. David is heading up an army and asks Nabal (the King) for food and supplies. Nabal refuses to provide what David needs and in response David and his men take up their arms and are ready to go fight Nabal and (violently) take what they need.
On their way back to David they are met by Abigail, Nabal's wife. She heard what happened and has come with food and supplies for David & his men. She asks for David's forgiveness and gives him everything he needs. He graciously accepts, recognizing that his needs have been met, grants forgiveness to Abigail and a war was completely prevented.
What can we learn? Christ (Abigail) can step into our (almost) wars. When we have legitimately been wronged by someone else, when we are hurting and left without, Christ steps in providing what we need and suddenly there is no war necessary. Our needs are met, so no harm has been done. Not that "no harm has been done"....people affected by their spouses' sexual addiction have certainly been harmed, but it can be UNdone.
I don't need Husband to love me perfectly. I don't need him to stop making foolish choices. I don't need him to never hurt me. Because the bottom line is that the Savior loves me perfectly. He has never hurt me. And he willingly gives me ALL that I need. My needs are met, which means there is absolutely no reason for a war.
To me, this takes some of the sting out of this situation. It hurts, but it is not crippling. I wish I wasn't in this situation - but (with God) I am strong enough to deal with it. And most importantly, I can be on the same team as my husband fighting against the addiction instead of going to war against him.
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If you or someone you love it struggling with this particular issue, you can connect with many other LDS women who are facing this trial in an online forum for LDS women who are married to or dating men with pornography problems. Hope and Healing and more specifically their online forum will help you come to understand that you are not alone!
- - -- - -
He tells the story of David and Abigail from the New Testament. David is heading up an army and asks Nabal (the King) for food and supplies. Nabal refuses to provide what David needs and in response David and his men take up their arms and are ready to go fight Nabal and (violently) take what they need.
On their way back to David they are met by Abigail, Nabal's wife. She heard what happened and has come with food and supplies for David & his men. She asks for David's forgiveness and gives him everything he needs. He graciously accepts, recognizing that his needs have been met, grants forgiveness to Abigail and a war was completely prevented.
What can we learn? Christ (Abigail) can step into our (almost) wars. When we have legitimately been wronged by someone else, when we are hurting and left without, Christ steps in providing what we need and suddenly there is no war necessary. Our needs are met, so no harm has been done. Not that "no harm has been done"....people affected by their spouses' sexual addiction have certainly been harmed, but it can be UNdone.
I don't need Husband to love me perfectly. I don't need him to stop making foolish choices. I don't need him to never hurt me. Because the bottom line is that the Savior loves me perfectly. He has never hurt me. And he willingly gives me ALL that I need. My needs are met, which means there is absolutely no reason for a war.
To me, this takes some of the sting out of this situation. It hurts, but it is not crippling. I wish I wasn't in this situation - but (with God) I am strong enough to deal with it. And most importantly, I can be on the same team as my husband fighting against the addiction instead of going to war against him.
