Sleep War

Yeah right.

When other women talk about how much they love when their kids crawl into bed with them and snuggle up to them, and how they treasure those moments and the feel of those little bodies lovingly curled up next to them, it makes me feel like a Really. Lousy. Mom.

Terrible, in fact, because I can't stand it when the kids crawl into bed with me.

Now before you gasp in horror and wonder what kind of mom I am, let me explain.

I want to live to see the next day!

I'm the kind of mom who wants all her body parts still in tact when I ungracefully dive out of bed in a haze of sleep deprived effort. The kind of mom who wants to keep as much hair on her head as humanly possible. The kind of mom who appreciates that her nose is somewhat straight and would rather not get it broken in the middle of the night.

I  have never had a kid crawl into bed and lovingly curl up into a slumber-filled snuggle. In our home, it turns into survival of the fittest; sleeping becomes an all-out war.

When Savannah crawls into our bed, I get a knee to the gut or a palm-smack to the face, not to mention she rolls over two hundred times an hour.

Joseph usually kicks me in the back or clobbers my skull with his own.

Jacob is more of a hands or feet tangled-in-the-hair kind of guy, but my face and back have also received love taps from his knuckles and feet. Once I woke with his toes poking my eyeballs.

Just last night, Alayna crawled into the bed, and I made the mistake of rolling over onto my back. Two times I about had the wind knocked out of me as restless little legs came full force down into my stomach as she tried to kick off the covers. When you are relaxed enough to be sleeping and two legs smash down full force, it hurts.

So I sit in total awe of the loving mothers who gush about their sweet slumbering children all snuggled up in bed with them. I mean, how does that work for you? Straitjackets?

Maybe if I went to bed with a football helmet and pads, I'd love it too. In the meantime, I'll do my best to stay alive by carrying kids back to their own beds every night.

Serene is a highly imperfect mom of five children (born within 6.5 years) who blogs humorously about all her parenting misadventures at Serene is my name, Not my life! She also has a severe chocolate addiction and likes to pretend she's stylish enough to wear high heels.